I grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s as the definition of a latchkey kid. My mom was a hardworking, professional single mother, which meant I had a lot of unstructured time on my hands. After school, I’d either hang out in the cafeteria at her job, waiting for her long shifts to end, or I’d go to my grandparents' house, where I spent more time watching cartoons than doing homework.
My mom often worked 12 to 14-hour days, leaving little time for life lessons. In contrast, she grew up in a two-parent household where her dad owned a business, and her mom was a stay-at-home mom until all the kids were grown. My childhood was just... different. And while I’m not looking for a pity party, I can’t ignore the fact that there were things I didn’t learn that would have made my life a lot easier.
Now, as an adult and a parent myself, I’ve tried (even if imperfectly) to pass these lessons down to my kids. Here are some of the things I wish I had learned earlier:
1. The Most Important Relationship I Can Ever Cultivate Is with Jesus
I grew up in church. My family were "good" people. They worked hard, took care of their kids, had compassion for others, paid their taxes, voted, the whole nine yards. But not every decision we made was based on what Jesus said.
We went to church, sure, but outside of Sunday mornings, the Bible didn’t really come up. We didn’t have family Bible studies, we didn’t pray much beyond saying grace before dinner, and we didn’t intentionally discuss how to live our lives according to God’s word. Faith was more of a thing we had than something we actively lived.
It took me years to realize that a relationship with Jesus isn’t about checking religious boxes. It’s knowing Him, walking with Him, and letting His word guide every aspect of my life. If I had grasped that as a kid, it would have saved me from a lot of unnecessary mistakes and heartache.
2. Daily Living Skills Matter More Than You Think
My mom did her best, but with her work schedule, there wasn’t much time for lessons on practical life skills. I didn’t grow up learning how to sew, cook from scratch, budget properly, garden, fix things around the house, or even change a tire.
So when adulthood hit, reality came at me fast.
Nobody tells you how expensive it is to constantly replace things that break, how much you actually need to know about finances, or how empowering it feels to fix something yourself. As I got older, I had to learn these things the hard way.
I’ve tried to teach my kids these skills early on, even if I haven’t been perfect about it, because adulthood is so much smoother when you know how to take care of yourself and your household.
3. The Importance of Picking the Right Spouse
Aside from choosing to follow Jesus, who you marry is the most important decision of your life. And the process of getting to that decision matters.
Growing up, I didn’t understand this. I fully participated in the modern American dating scene, including testing out relationships, trying to see if person A was a “good fit,” then moving on to person B when they weren’t, then person C, and so on. It’s exhausting. And while you might eventually end up with the right person, it often comes after a whole lot of heartbreak, pain, and baggage.
Looking back, I wish I had been taught that dating isn’t just about having fun or seeing what happens. It requires intentionality. You need to know what qualities actually matter in a lifelong partner and refuse to settle just to avoid being alone. I wish I had understood that just having "feelings" for someone isn't enough. Your partner's values, character, and commitment are just as important.
4. Stewarding Money Well Isn’t Optional
I touched on this before, but I can’t emphasize enough how much I wish I had learned how to handle money earlier.
Money isn’t just something you earn and spend; it’s something you steward. And when you don’t manage it well, it ends up managing you.
I didn’t grow up with a solid understanding of budgeting, saving, investing, or avoiding debt. As a result, I made some financial decisions that set me back way further than they should have. If I had been taught financial wisdom early on, I could have avoided a lot of unnecessary stress.
Now, I do my best to teach my kids that having financial freedom isn’t about making a ton of money, it’s about making wise choices with the money you have.
5. My Inherent Value Doesn’t Come from Other People
As a child, I was a deep thinker with a strong ability to read people and sense whether they were genuine or just pretending. I was also incredibly sensitive to how people saw me. If someone didn’t like me, I noticed. And I let it affect me more than I should have.
I wish I had understood back then that my worth wasn’t tied to other people’s opinions of me. My value wasn’t based on whether I was liked, accepted, or understood. My worth was and always has been rooted in the fact that I am a creation of God. Knowing that would have saved me from years of insecurity and seeking validation in all the wrong places.
The Journey of Learning
The thing about life is that we’re always learning. Some lessons come early, and some, unfortunately, come through trial and error. I may not have learned these things as a kid, but I’m grateful I know them now.
And if you’re reading this and realizing you missed out on learning some of these lessons too, it’s never too late. We’re all still growing, still figuring things out, and still becoming who we were meant to be.
Part 2 coming soon.
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