Everyone knows about mean girls, the ones who are loud, obvious, and straight up rude. But then there’s a different breed, a sneakier kind of mean girl, the nasty nice girl. My mom used to call them that, and now my youngest daughter, who’s a junior in high school, has started encountering them too.
You know the type. They act friendly on the surface, but behind the scenes, they’re stirring the pot, talking about you behind your back, trying to turn others against you. They smile in your face while throwing in little digs, just subtle enough to make you question yourself.
Maybe it’s the girl who says, “Oh, I love that outfit! But you’d look even better in another color.” Or the one who casually drops, “No offense, but you’re not really his type.” Then there are the ones who just stare at you for too long, not in admiration but like they’re scanning you for flaws.
Whatever their method, the goal is the same . . . to plant seeds of doubt, to keep you a little off balance. And if we’re being honest, most of us have either been on the receiving end of this or at some point have been that girl ourselves.
So, what do you do when you cross paths with insecure, miserable people who try to make you feel small? How do you respond when someone wants to make you feel inferior?
1. Recognize It for What It Is
First, call it what it is—insecurity in disguise. People who are truly happy, confident, and secure in themselves don’t spend their time trying to tear others down. When someone operates this way, it’s a reflection of them, not you. Once you recognize that, their words lose power.
2. Don’t Take the Bait
Nasty nice people thrive on reactions. They want you to get flustered, to shrink, to start second-guessing yourself. Instead, stay unbothered. When they throw a backhanded compliment your way, just smile and say, “Thanks!” with no further explanation. When they make a subtle dig, act like you didn’t even notice. Nothing frustrates a nasty nice person more than their tactics not working.
3. Set Boundaries
You don’t have to entertain their energy. You don’t have to be best friends with someone who constantly makes you feel uncomfortable. Be polite, but don’t engage more than necessary. Some people aren’t worth your time, and that’s okay.
4. Keep Your Confidence Intact
At the end of the day, the best response is to keep being yourself fully, unapologetically, and without hesitation. When you refuse to dim your light for someone else’s comfort, you win every time.
5. Pray for Them
It might sound counterintuitive, but we are called to prayer for our enemies. It doesn’t mean you excuse their behavior or pretend it doesn’t hurt, but it does mean you refuse to let bitterness take root in your own heart.
Nasty nice people don’t go away after high school. They just grow up and show up in workplaces, social circles, family gatherings, and even at church. But you can learn to navigate them with grace, confidence, and a firm sense of self. Their words don’t define you. Their opinions don’t shape your worth. And the more you focus on your own growth, the less their negativity will even register.
Have you ever dealt with a nasty nice person? How did you handle it? Let’s talk in the comments.
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