I love this blog because I get to vent and expose myself. And lately, I’ve been asking myself a hard question: Is lack of money really my problem, or is there something deeper going on? On the surface, it seems simple. If you have all the money you need, all your other problems will be solved. Right? You’d pay off your debts, tithe faithfully, give generously, and handle your responsibilities with ease. You’d finally be in control. But what if that’s not true?
What if having more money wouldn’t fix anything? What if, instead, it would just reveal who you truly are? What if money only amplifies the selfishness, pride, arrogance, or fear already inside of you?
I’ve noticed something strange in my own life: The more money I’ve had at times, the less willing I’ve been to give. And ironically, the less money I’ve had, the more generous I’ve been.
But why? That makes no sense. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t having more make it easier to give?
If I’m being real, when I’ve had more, I’ve also been more protective. I start thinking about maintaining what I have, being careful, making sure I don’t lose it. Suddenly, generosity feels like a risk. What if I give and then don’t have enough later? What if I lose what I’ve worked for?
Yet, in seasons where I’ve had less, I’ve given more freely. Maybe it’s because, in those moments, I wasn’t depending on money. I was depending on God. I wasn’t under the illusion that my security came from my bank account. I knew I needed Him, and I knew He would provide.
Jesus actually talks about this in Mark 12:41-44 when He watches a poor widow give two small coins—everything she had—while the wealthy gave out of their abundance. He said:
"Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on."
Her giving wasn’t about the amount; it was about trust. She trusted God to take care of her, while the rich were holding onto their wealth as security.
So maybe the reason I’ve given more when I’ve had less is that, in those moments, I was walking in faith instead of fear. Maybe, deep down, I knew that generosity isn’t about how much I have; it’s about how much I trust.
And that’s the real test, isn’t it?
Will I trust God enough to give, no matter what’s in my hands?
Maybe money isn’t the problem at all. Maybe the problem is where I’ve placed my trust.
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